| How Do I Love My Family?
There are several questions covered by this topic. They include how to love our spouses, how to raise our children, how to deal with the teenage years, how to let go when our children are grown, and so on.
Although the specific circumstances vary, the answer is the same in all these questions.
In nearly every letter written to the fledgling churches in the first century, Paul, Peter and John consistently pleaded with their readers to love their families, to give themselves for their families and to protect their families from evil. This is a pretty good indicator that they had the same questions and experienced the same problems as we do in the 21st century.
Alas, there is nothing like the family relationship to expose our faults and reveal our fundamental selfishness. Loving our families requires nothing less than the perfect agape love of Jesus Christ, and this love does not flow naturally from us. Apart from Jesus, we cannot love our families as we're clearly called to do in the Bible.
If you need proof of this, just read 1 Corinthians 13 and substitute the phrase "I am always" for the words "love is". If you're like most people, you'll give up on the very first description: I am always patient.
In John 15, Jesus tells us to abide in Him, because apart from Him we can do nothing. It is only as we abide in the Vine (Jesus) that the fruit of the Vine will be produced in us. Love is the fruit of His life.
Most family problems arise from one cause ? the need to control. I want it, you have it, and so I'm going to figure out how to get it away from you. Everyone in the family, both parents and children, does this. It is the natural result of sin. Some try to gain control through the use of power; others through manipulation. Regardless of the style used, the results are always the same — dysfunction, anger, pain and broken relationships.
This desire for control is fed by a combination of unrealistic expectations and misplaced dependencies. For example, I expect my wife to love me unconditionally, or I define my value as a person by my "perfect" children.
The born-again Child of God has another option. When we abide in the vine, that is, when we walk by faith, the love of Jesus will begin to overflow from our lives to the lives of others. The Holy Spirit renews our minds, teaching how to think clearly and truthfully. We begin to serve one another instead of looking for ways to be served by others.
Walking by faith allows us to see our children as the incredible gifts God intended them to be. It allows us to see their strengths and talents in order to train them in the way they should go, rather than trying to force them to be something else. Most important, it shows us how to transfer their dependence on us to dependence on Jesus.
Walking by faith allows us to serve our spouses, to experience what it really means when two become one. It shows us how to divide responsibilities according to interest and ability instead of by the need to control.
There is no better testing ground for the reality of faith, hope and love than our families. This means that Satan takes special care to attack them at every turn. But no matter what Satan does, no matter the bone-headed decisions we or our children make, the perfect love of Jesus casts out all fear. He grace is sufficient to every situation.
If you want to love your husband or wife better, if you want to be a successful parent, if you want to understand your parents for perhaps the first time, then fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of your faith. Abide in Him, the Vine, and allow His life to infuse your life as a branch.
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